I have spent a seemingly long time trying to figure out my place in this world, so much has happened in my life and I started seeing myself getting lost in indifference. The world buzzed by while I was stuck in a nucleus of numbness, and loss of self. I know I could always turn to metal to help through these movements in life. But lately I have started to feel indifferent about the music I have been listening to lately. The music didn’t move me as much as it used to do. And then when I thought there was no turning back for me I found a solo black/doom metal project called Eneferens.
The brainchild behind this project is Jori Apedaile out of Minneapolis, MN. I was first introduced to Jori’s mindset when I heard him talk on Jason Walton’s podcast “I Hate Music” his taste in music reflected my own tastes and when I learned more of his solo-project Eneferens. I heard a track off his album “In the Hours Beneath” and I had this illumination that this is a project I needed to dive into more. I purchased both his albums “In the Hours Beneath” and the “The Inward Cold” and spent a good chunk of time really being floored by the emotions, thoughts and feelings found in the music. There were feelings of anger, regret, indifference, mortality, nature and most importantly a resonating sense of love lost and love ignored. Every single one of these elements in these albums fit me and the struggles I have been dealing with for a couple years now. As I got lost in the music and looking into my inward self I had a chat with Jori and he mentioned that he was working on a new album and it will be coming out soon. This album ended up being his newest opus “The Bleakness of Our Constant” and this album came out at the right time for me.
I have been dealing with deaths in my family, boredom at my job, searching for love, and being constantly reminded that the person I care deeply for has no idea how much I do care. I have found myself in a place that is just darkness, and loss that is both unfamiliar and confounding. My thoughts were all jumbled up like a jigsaw puzzle without corner pieces. I could not find rationale or reasoning behind these thoughts in my head. Then, like a sudden thunderstorm “The Bleakness of Our Constant” came out and as soon as I heard the first guitar chords in “Leave” I got lost once again in the brilliance of Enferens. Every song hit every feeling and thought I had about this current moment in my life.
The thoughts of loss, and wishing for something that cannot be while longing it to be. I can picture in my head while hearing tracks like “Awake” and “Weight of the Mind’s Periapt” a woman of beauty that is positive, energetic and just seems like the right fit even though you cannot put your finger on why you feel this way about her. Though instead of her there by your side she is in the distance, aloof and hazy. You are trying to make her aware but because of second thoughts, and your own insecurities she will never know how you truly felt about her. “The Bleakness of Our Constant” really hits home on these thoughts, images and feelings. If you have ever been in this type of situation this album will really help you understand how to navigate it and find closure even if it seems so far away.
Listening to a “The Bleakness of Our Constant” can be painful but profound. Being reminded of past failures and the guilt surrounding it helps you grow like it did for me. I am still in a daze most nights and days and as I piece together these threads in my life I hope to be whole again. The music, vocals, lyrics and imagery in “The Bleakness of Our Constant” hits highs and lows as well as darkness and light. It is an album that gives imagery of misty woods, old houses, mourning lovers, unrequited romance and the sadness found in being ignored. This is a very personal, vulnerable and thought provoking album and as soon as you complete it in its entirety you will come to find out that you are not alone in these feelings. I highly suggest you give not only “The Bleakness of Our Constant” a listen but pay a visit to Enferens’s other brilliant albums “The Inward Cold” and “In the Hours Beneath”. As you get lost in these beautiful albums you will start to find a way out of the darkness through the cold light of the stars above.